They dwell apart among wolves on the hills. Without warning I saw the treacherous figure of Grendel hover over my head. Fear rapidly overtook me like poison running throughout my body.
He appeared like a nightmare. Grendel. My whole life flashed right before my eyes. My companions ran towards my direction.
cut the fluff
avoid repetition
February 5, 2016 at 9:47 am
David,
There are some clear attempts to use symbols here, but you often switch between third person (he, she, they) and first person (I, me, my), which can be confusing for your reader.
Please re-write this in either third or first person and be consistent throughout.
May 27, 2016 at 10:41 am
Boost achieved.